Time to Leave My Behind in the Past

Yesterday, the circle came almost completely around. I started this blog in September 2001, while I was working at the big E. It was my first position in a biotech/pharma company. I left shortly after I started this blog; you can read the sordid story here.

So because I'm growing ever more weary of my current position, I've started to look around for other opportunities. A recruiter called me out of the blue one day and proposed a job at none other than the big E. At first I was repulsed by the idea of it. I'm not a fan of going backwards. Backtracking is most annoying, and I avoid it wherever possible. But I thought about it before rejecting it completely. It has been about ten years since I worked there. I have grown and experienced so much in that time. I know the big E has changed a lot as well. It is not the same company that I left. Maybe I should give it a chance. So I agreed to submit my resume for consideration. I had big thoughts, positive and creative. I was using The Secret. I had a phone interview that led to yesterday's in-person meeting.

When I pulled into the parking lot of 700, I instantly regretted the idea of working here again, no matter how much it had changed. I mean, it was instant. I walked in the front door, and boom, "let's go back in time..." Fortunately, I was stashed in the front conference room, so there was no chance of actually roaming the halls again. But as I sat there waiting for the interviews to start, I thought very selfishly and egotistically, "Why do I have to go through this? I used to work here. I'm an alum. I shouldn't have to prove myself." Um, really, Michael? Wow.

I don't know. The interview was mostly OK, I guess. I'm not selling myself short. I just realized halfway through that it's not a good match, I don't know that I should go back to a place I loathed so much to begin with, no matter how long ago it was. I'm not enlightened enough to be able to bury my past, or at least know how to manage it effectively. And being quizzed on my Word/Acrobat/Documentum skills is not exactly the kind of interview I expected. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself using MS Word?" And the good old standby that no one in their right mind should ever use again: "Where do you see yourself in five years?" No shit. So, I don't think I'll be moving on. They have a few more candidates to speak with, and they'll make a decision next week sometime. Let's just cross our fingers that I don't get a phone call.

And that leaves me with a mostly stable full time job with great benefits and a private office. I don't think my boss is going to let me go anytime soon. I don't know what his intentions are, frankly, but I haven't heard any grumblings from anyone, so we'll just keep our head down and our nose clean and our bitching to a minimum for now. I know I've said this before, but I'm going to go back to school next year in order to push through to a BA of some kind, and this stability is what I need to succeed in that respect. Who knows, in two or three years, if I finish up my school work, I'll have a degree in something completely unpharma, and I'll go from there. In the meantime, I'm extremely grateful.