Bend and Break

It's Week 2 of the new job, and I'm loving it.

It's also one week and three days before I'm off to the desert to relax and get away from reality. I have been waiting for this for a very long time, and I cannot wait to get on the road again.

It's about a month before I buy my new iMac, seven years in coming, and I'm so ready for that.

It's only a day away from the beginning of the finale of Project Runway. And wouldn't you know it? Someone has to be a hormonal bitch and cause trouble. From last week's preview, we see our pregnant designer ripping on the tattooed wonder for some shit or other, and isn't that always how it works? And the best part is that I heard that Season 4 is already being cast. Total yay.

Did I mention that my commute is between 15 and 20 minutes door to door? There's no more room for complaints.

Tears in Your Life

I'm spending the next week at my favorite little place in the desert. I made these plans about six months ago, and the clock has been slow at ticking away. But I'm here now, and it's in the 90s, and there are British bears in the pool, and I'm wasting my time on the Internet.

But the real excitement will be when I get back. I've finally ordered my new iMac. I've been waiting so long for this. OMG. I should get it very soon after I get back from this trip. And then I really won't have anything to complain about...ever again.

Sunshine is wasting!!

Party out of Bounds

It's the last day of my trip. Beautiful warm sunny day. The pool looks cool and refreshing. The hot tub is closed for half an hour while fresh chlorine cycles through.

Mr. Congeniality—a.k.a. Mr. Gay Alaska—a.k.a. Mr. It's-All-About-Me—is in the pool raving about his Walk of Shame. But he's only got thirty minutes to do so because he's got a television interview that he is "obligated" to do. At least all he has to do is "sit around and wave."

When Paul told us that Mr. Gay Alaska would be staying here, I immediately pictured the Brawny paper towel man, albeit bigger and hairier. When JT showed up, my hopes were shattered, of course. Basically, he's a self-absorbed, pretentious twink with a beard. Really now, should I have expected any less from a contestant in the Mr. Gay USA pageant? No judging, though.

He joined me in the hot tub, and he seemed really uncomfortable with my silence. I knew who he was, but I refused to stroke him...in any way. Then when the two British bears came in, we started chatting about nothing in particular. He was mid-sentence explaining something about Alaska when his phone rang. He abruptly stopped talking, answered his phone, and left the tub. It was one of those moments where we just looked at each other and could only laugh at the absurdity.

The two British bears came in the same day the first three left. Neal, Simon, and Peter had been there for a couple of days by then. Neal and Simon were on their honeymoon after a civil commitment ceremony. Peter is a friend of theirs who wholly coincidentally showed up at the same place and time.

Simon is a babe, there's no two ways about it. He has gorgeous brown eyes, great lips, and a deep soothing voice. And as I am wont to do, I quickly became attached to him. I respect the boundaries of the marriage and the commitment, but I can't help but stare and ogle. The somewhat mutual attraction led to a quick shag (so much for boundaries), and that's where it ended. Even though they play openly, it really is only play. And of course I'm left jealous and miserable.

It always seems to happen that way. And as much as I've lamented it and pondered it, I still ask myself why I fall for the married guy or the guy who is unhavable. Perhaps it's my karma in this life, and I'll just have to settle with being "the other woman," a phrase which never fails to remind me of Barbara Mandrell's "Woman to Woman."

Hello. You don't know who this is, but I was going through my man's pockets this morning and I just happened to find your name and number. So, woman to woman, I don't think it's wrong to call...

Whatever.

That's the joy of gay relationships: as much as they strive to be traditional, commited unions, one or both of them may falter, the partnership opens up, and they play with other people. Very traditional indeed. But that puts limits on people like me.

Take cute, hunky, adorable Joel for example. He shows up with his partner of five years all sexy, seductive, and smiling, and I could fall a thousand years for him. And what if we play? Cool. But what if I lived in a different part of the country where we saw each other socially or regularly? And what if I allowed myself to develop deeper feelings for him? I know they would never be fully reciprocated because he's already got his husband and he wouldn't break up a happy home for me...nor would I want him to. There's only so far it could go before it would be forced to stop, and that would crush me.

Same thing with Simon, Micheal, Steven, same thing left, right, and center. So there's a karmic lesson there somewhere. I just have to find what it is—and sooner rather than later, please. It's becoming a preoccupation that I don't want.

Lately, I've become more ambivalent about what I want. Sometimes I die for companionship, someone to go to the movies with, eat dinner with, cuddle with. Sometimes I praise the maker that I'm free and single. Where's the happy medium? I can't have my cake and eat it, too.

So where was I? Read a few books. Soaked in the jacuzzi and the pool. No sunburn this time. Planned the migration of my new computer, which was delivered to work on Thursday, thank you very much. I'll swing by and pick it up on my way home on Sunday. I probably won't sleep on Sunday night as a result. I am so excited, you have no idea.

So with the temperature slowly rising, I'm wasting time being self-indulgent and overly dramatic. And there are still British bears in the pool!

Happy Halloween

I'm back at work after a week. It feels weird. It's a combination thing: I've only worked here for a month, one week of which was spent on vacation. So when I showed up on Monday morning, I felt like the new kid again. Eh. They paid me today, so I guess I won't worry about it.

So. Sunday night, I got home around 5 p.m. I stopped by the office to pick up my new iMac and drove home. OMG. The thing is huge. It almost didn't fit on my desk. But it's lovely and fast and a little sexy with its clean white finish and crisp monitor and wireless keyboard and mouse. Mmm. I kinda wanna call in sick just so I can play around with it some more. We haven't properly bonded yet. I was up until 1:30 a.m. Sunday night/Monday morning playing around with it. I copied more than 30 GB of music from my external drive into the new iTunes library. Yay for that. I used the Migration Assistant to copy the settings from my grape iMac to the new one, and in about an hour, I had the new computer running almost exactly like the old one did. It was hella faster than the grape iMac, but all my preferences, my screen savers, my desktop image were exactly the same. It's a little weird.

And then I installed Windows. I bought an extrabig hard drive for the computer so I could run Windows on the same machine. I have a shitty old Dell laptop whose hinges are about to break off, whose hard drive is so intolerably slow and miserable, I'm waiting for the damn thing to just commit suicide and throw itself off my desk to the hardwood floors below. So it seemed like the perfect melding of technologies.

I installed Boot Camp and then Windows XP. It's surprising how easy it was. And then I had to stop because I was so tired that I couldn't think straight. So I have to put off any further modifications until Wednesday night, at least. I'm very anxious to get it running.

Monday night, SP and I went to Bimbos to see Stuart A. Staples lull us into a trance with his deep, melodic voice. And he's a babe. Total. Loved it. Tonight, we're going to Santa Cruz to see David Sedaris. I'm expecting to be in pain afterwards. I don't know... I'll get home pretty late again, and because of Halloween in the Castro, I'll probably have to drive down to the Financial District in order to find parking. I'll miss the show in the Castro for sure, but David will be worth it.

I'm trying to think...I've seen so many shows this year, in the remaining two months of 2006, are there any more that I could possibly see? We're going to see Kathy Griffin at the Flint Center in Cupertino in December. But otherwise, I think it's calm for a while.

This last trip to Palm Springs was the best ever so far. I had such a great time when I was there. No sunburns, lots of friendly hot guys, peace and quiet. I hooked up with one of the guys on Saturday night, and I haven't been able to get him out of my mind since then. He's as perfect as a human can be. I wish I could find one just like him up here. Peter and Stephen are driving back up to the city later this week, and they would like to get together before they leave for the UK. Hell yeah.

I'm trying to stay awake, I really am.