Très long week-end

I took a very long (and somewhat unnecessary) road trip this weekend, as I had intended to do back to last Monday. I am so desperate to get out of my current living and working situation, I decided to runaway again, only this time for 36 hours instead of 96 hours. So after another wholly pleasant and exciting haircut, I drove all over hell and back, and managed to enjoy myself. I'm afraid, though, that this time alone only reinforced how completely necessary it is to make a huge, all-encompassing change in my life. I can't live like this anymore. I'm in total denial about so many things, and I've had to be in order to survive and function. But, as is a great number of things in life, denial is addictive and deceiving, and I allowed myself to succumb to it. Oh, drama, sob sob, boo hoo. I know, "snap out of it and get on with your life."

So, because of a possible conflict in a contract agreement with the company for whom I work, and because of my current living situation, I have re-evaluted what I would consider to be a worthwhile career and am ready to jump into it at a moment's notice. I won't discuss that here until it actually happens. As many other things in life, changes happen more frequently to nullify any plans that may have been made, and I don't want to come across as wishy-washy or indecisive, although I very much can be.

"OMG! Dude, can you, like, be more vague? I'm so sure!"

Tuesday is What?

today is a special celebrity edition of tuesday is chooseday!

Would you rather:
1. while camping, have to cut your arm off with a pocket knife because it got stuck under a boulder and you were trapped for three days OR suck snake venom out of a snake bite in richard simmons' ass?
   
   Oh dear. I think I'll take Richard's ass, only because I'm a wimp and could never intentionally cut myself, let alone sever a limb. In fact, whenever I see someone cut themselves on TV or in the movies it freaks me out, just like needles injected into the skin. I simply cannot watch. It grosses me out more than Richard's ass. Really it does. And maybe it's because we share a birthday, too. Am I oversharing again? Doggonnit.
2. have both your feet amputated at the ankles OR be in a 10 round, bare-fisted, cage match with mike tyson?
   
   Considering that I wouldn't last one full round with Mike, I'd take him. It would be over soon, I'd recover from the wounds, and there probably wouldn't be any long-lasting scars.
3. perform oral sex for 2 minutes on paris hilton OR anna nicole smith?
   
   Can I have my feet amputated and arm cut off in place of answering this question? In fact, since I'm left-handed, take my left arm! I mean, does it really apply for me? Or is that the point? OK then, my answer is no, as in no-fucking-way no.
4. be in a big-budget, action flick with paul reubens (pee wee herman) OR a low-budget, artsy film with jesse ventura?
   
   OK, spam me if you will, but I kinda like Jesse Ventura, so I'll pick the low-budget, artsy film. Plus, as much as I like Paul Reubens, I don't think he could do big-budget action flick without it turning into another Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, which I totally love, and if it turned out to be another Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

OK, so what's up?

Well, last week, the guy that I'm working for at this contract job up and gave his notice. His last day is Friday. So, with his vacancy coming up soon, I decided to put my name into the hat in consideration for the job. (I think my name is the only name in the hat, but that doesn't matter.) I worked with the VP of the department back at the pharma in South City, so he knows me and what I'm capable of, and in the four weeks that I've been here, I've managed to demonstrate my abilities and impress those who need impressing, so it's more or less a sure thing. Now it's just a matter of paperwork. So, in a couple of weeks, I'll be transitioning from an independent contractor to a full-time, salaried employee. I am very excited, to say the least. So then I tell my current bosses that I'm considering this move, and they're all, "oh great! How wonderful! What a perfect position!" But they all said it in a way that convices me that they're just as happy to be free of me as I am of them. I guess my ranting and raving about not being paid on time soured my relationship. Whatever. It's almost over. So that's that. What a huge burden off my shoulders just to be in a stable, predictable environment. I know change is good, but I think change in my personal life is better than constant change in my "career."

This all gives me more flexibility to plan for events such as, oh, I don't know, my grandmother's 80th birthday, the trip to Paris to see Isabelle Boulay sur la scène à l'Olympia, and then to England to visit very special people in my life. Among other things.

I think that's all for now. I know I should have more to say, but I'm just not feeling it right now.

Wednesday What's Up?

So, the new-hire thing is moving rather slowly. I am scheduled for five in-house interviews tomorrow afternoon with people I already know and have worked with. So I'm sure it's all a formality. The guy I'm replacing is being kind of a jerk. He's been out this week more than he's been in. I understand Short-Timer's Syndrome, I totally do. But there are people here who need his help, just for a little while, before he leaves. He has committed to helping these people, and now he's not here to honor that obligation. Um, character much? No. He's burning a golden bridge here, and it's really frustrating to see someone do that. K, whatever, 'cause soon, I'll be in his place, and I'll be making him look like a total slacker. Yeah, you can do a mean template with tons of VBA code, but hey, what's a bunch of code gonna get you when the heat is on? Nothing but a whole bunch of code. Whatever. I'm trying to be clever, and it's not working. I am really looking forward to this job. I have been looking for this for three years, and I think this is a good fit. The company is solid, the people are way friendly, and they're moving farther in to Palo Alto, to the other side, really, near 280...and right next door to the first client I worked for. The bio-pharmaceutical industry is so small and incestuous. That's why this golden bridge shouldn't be burnt, especially for the schmucks he's going to work for. Hey, we all make decisions based on our needs. I can't fault him for needing to work with a bunch of schmucks. So, Dude, go forth and be satisfied with your choice. And thank you for giving up your seat to me.

I talked to my mom on Mother's Day. She told me that my father is planning a party for my grandmother's 80th birthday, which is also my 33rd birthday. Funny how that works, but the party is for her, not me. Fine, no biggie. Anyway, she told me that my father asked my sister if she thought I would be able to make it out for the party. Mother, Sister, and I all said, "why don't you ask him?" OK, look, we haven't spoken in over seven years...no, almost ten years. And I can't even remember why we aren't talking. Probably because of some juvenile decision I made thinking that I'd show him. I can't say that I'm worse for the wear, but it doesn't make the family all that comfortable. I used to even blame it on the gay thing, but since I can't, with good conscience, blame anything on the gay thing anymore, I'll write that off. Blah blah blah. I am planning to go to the event, whenever it is, and if I crash my grandmother's birthday party, I think she'll forgive me. I don't know if I'll ever hear from the old man. But I'll plan for it anyway. Iowa in July. Woo hoo. I probably can't stay very long because there is a submission to get out and everything, but I'll do my best.

I guess that's all. Godzilla, in its original Japanese format, is playing at the Castro Theatre for a while. I should go see it. That would be cool. I haven't seen Kill Bill, Vol. 2 yet either. That would be cool, too. "Star Trek: Enterprise" should not be cancelled. Trader Joe's has the best trail mixes on the planet. Sweet and Savory rocks like hard. It's 2:38 PM and it feels like 7:00 PM, what's up with that. What else? Oh, KNTV (NBC-11 in the Bay Area) should be slapped (really hard) for not allowing some of the residents of Oakland to receive their television signal without subscribing to cable. Ever since KRON went indie and KNTV came in as the regional NBC affiliate, I have never been able to get a signal. I get all the other stations just fine, but no NBC. It's all fuzz and snow. I can't even hear any sound. Every time I send an e-mail or call Andy or Mike at KNTV at 408-286-1111, all I get is voicemail. (And as a side note to Marlene at KNTV, when someone asks for the name of the person you're transfering them to, it might be polite to give it to them. Just a thought.) On their webpage, there's a comment form specifically for people who can't receive the signal. So, tell me Andy and Mike, what's going on? I don't give a rat's ass about HDTV. I don't have a TV that's capable of receiving HDTV signals, but that doesn't stop me from watching KQED and its HDTV signal. So, Andy and Mike at KNTV, if you can't give us all a really good reason why Oakland can't receive your signal, you can both go stick your thumbs up your asses and blow. Really hard. I'm tired of missing "Ellen." Dammit. And stop looking at me funny because I don't have cable. I know I'm seriously missing out on "Trading Spaces," "Good Eats," and like everything else. Dammit.

Follow Your Bliss

No word yet on the job thing, and I have to keep reminding myself that it's like 95% certain. I met with several people yesterday and talked a lot about the same thing with each person. You know how that is. Everyone asks the same questions, and I try to vary the answer a little to keep it lively for myself. If they go so far as to compare answers with each other later, well then it's just the old game of Telephone anyway, isn't it? I probably won't know for sure until next week sometime. That's cool. I have to breathe and be calm. I'm glad that there is enough work to keep me busy during that time; something to divert my mind.

So, I've been listening to Joseph Campbell in conversation with Bill Moyers during my commute. I have six CDs of conversation, each one on a different topic concerning the power of myth. It's an extremely interesting discussion and I'm really at a loss to explain it. Roommate introduced me to this at a time when he thought it would do me good. We listened to the cassettes during one of our road trips, and at that point, the whole topic went right over my head. The metaphors were a little too thick for my cute, little (and thin) mind to comprehend. Over the course of the last decade, I've been introduced to many new ideas and ways of thinking about life, the universe, and everything. And in the last few months, especially, I've needed to become a little more introspective than usual to figure out what's truly best for me. And now, after listening to these CDs a couple of times each, I think I'm headed in the right direction.

Most of my struggle lately has been with my job, my "career path." I never thought I had a career, ever. I've only ever had jobs to pay the bills. I never graduated college, and I've learned all of my varied skills from experience or out of curiosity. This whole site sprang up as an experiment to see if I could learn HTML. And look at it. (Sad, I know.) But it's mine. Same thing with desktop/electronic publishing and electronic regulatory submissions. I never expected to be doing this, but leave it to a temp agency (a really cool one, to boot) to send me off and introduce me to my future. Five years later, I'm fighting the continued success in the bio-pharmaceutical industry because I want to publish books and magazines! I don't give a crap about the FDA and all of its guidances. Whatever. But every time I tried to find something "better" or "more satisfying," I've been led back to work in the pharmas. And thus, I'm thinking that I'm on the path and that this really is my bliss and that I've been too greedy or naive or ignorant to realize it until now.

This is especially eye-opening for me because of the chain of events of the couple of months. I temped at an unpleasant financial services firm and hated it. At the same time, I was offered a short-term contract at a pharma, and I gladly accepted the offer. I started at this company as a contractor whose time was limited, who would leave in August. Then, the person I'd been brought in to assist up and quits (in a whirlwind of high drama, I might add), and his position became available. I was looking for a full-time job, something permanent with benefits, and there it was. It helps that the VP, a totally cool guy whom I've known for five years, is the boss, and he wholeheartedly supported my interest in this job. And while I don't have it yet, I can't help but feel right about this. For the first time in my life, I've felt like I'm in the right place at the right time, and I belong here. I don't want to get too cocky about this, and I don't want to paint this as Utopia, but I also can't chalk it up to coincidence anymore.

And what's more, I'd would even relocate to the peninsula for the job! Can you imagine? That's really not so bad, but I would prefer to live in San Francisco. The trip from SF and Oakland are roughly the same distance, but the rents down in Palo Alto are much more reasonable for what you get. Hell, I'm young. I'll live there someday.

So, sunny weekend, nothing to do but make chocolate chip cookies. Bye!

My Goodness! What Happened?

1. Playoffs :: Um, that's sports, right?
2. Morris :: the cat, or Darryl Morris (who I think is going to be knocked off one way or another; I think his character has run its course, especially since he won't cover for the sisters anymore; off with his head)
3. Break up :: Eggs
4. Eggs :: Gross
5. Parker :: Stevenson
6. Hardy Boys :: Shaun Cassidy is a total babe.
7. Deluxe :: Scrabble
8. Protection :: Witness ... Program
9. Girl Scout :: Samoas rock, girlfriends.
10. Salsa :: Love love love

Just a quickie

Do you ever feel like someone somewhere is trying to tell you something? I know, how vague, but that's me. No, really. I've been making plans to do something (that doesn't bear explaining here) for a couple of weeks now. Every time I try to accomplish these plans, another unexpected event pops up in the way. So life happens when you make plans. But some plans really do happen as intended. Oh whatever. It sounded much better in my head.

Another thing that sounds better in my head is my recollection and rave review of Kill Bill: Volume 2. Quentin Tarantino is a fucking genius. That movie is so the coolest thing. I loved it. Didn't care for all the eyeball stuff, but hey, life's a bitch, and then you go whack in some ghetto trailer in the middle of the desert. She should have taken the suitcase full of cash, though. Damn, I love that.

One of the movie trailers shown last night was for the new film with Jet Li as a super-swordsman. It's another great film in the vein of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon that I can't wait to see. I love all that sword-fighting and stuff, but I don't like the Three Musketeers, and as much I adore Clive Owen, I don't think I can see King Arthur when it comes out.

Wow, there's just so much more I could say about how fantastic that movie was, and how it's too bad that Lucy Liu wasn't in the second part except for the beginning and the credits, because I think she rocks like hard, but I'm totally trying to preserve my flying colors over here in the war-room, I mean workroom, and I just can't take any more time.

Gotta go. Bye.

Almost There

I had a brief meeting with my future boss's boss, who I think is the COO of the company. Very nice guy. We only talked for about fifteen minutes, but in that time, he managed to share with me that my skills have impressed all the right people. As is almost obvious, the work that I've done in the last month or so is really equivalent to an interview. I've already displayed my abilities, and the right people in the company have already acknowledged that I am a good candidate for the job. I don't know if there was ever a question in people's minds about my being hired; I just can't take it for granted that the job is mine, you know? Anyway, New Boss said that he put the paperwork through and it should be ready by tomorrow or Monday at the latest. So, woo hoo for me. It's exciting.

At the same time, I'll be doing consulting work for soon-to-be former boss (or I guess you could call him co-boss), this weekend in fact. That's a really good thing because it's just extra cash in the pocket, and who can complain? So I won't get to watch all of my cooking shows on KQED on Saturday morning. Oh well. The sacrifices we must make.

So, I've been totally busy doing my new job. I've been so busy that I've managed to haul my cookies forty miles away at 6:30 a.m. to get there by 8:00 a.m. so I can have that extra hour or two to get more work done. And I'm not trying to kiss ass either, because I don't do that...at work anyway. I'm very loaded with work, and it feels great. So if I start complaining, either ignore me or slap me and tell me to snap out of it.

Working Working Working

1. Finale :: Did you see the season finale of "Smallville"? That was pretty cool, I have to say. And I just can't get enough of this contemporary vision of Clark Kent. Damn he's hot. The season finale of "Enterprise" is this week. Let's watch the Xindi blow up Planet Earth.
2. Martial arts :: I have always wanted to learn a martial art, karate, judo, jujitsu, something. I think it would be an excellent method of self-defense, but also a way of finding inner peace and perhaps a more centered view of the world around me.
3. Flirt :: I used to love to flirt, and I would very freely and happily. Now, I resist making eye contact with some people because I don't want to initiate something that I don't want to finish. I think flirting is inherent, though, and that some people do it really, really well.
4. Energy :: I have a lot of energy right now, despite the last week of grueling work and long hours.
5. Flavor :: I think my favorite flavor ever is grape, the Concord grape flavor in Jolly Ranchers, Kool-Aid, even the markers that smell like fruit.
6. Guess? :: When I was in high school (and shortly after that while I was in the navy), people always said that if a guy wears Guess? jeans, they're gay. So I never wore them, but I always smiled at the guys who did wear them.
7. Accomplishment :: I think my greatest accomplishment is my own success as a self-sufficient (and mostly down-to-earth) adult. I rely on myself and myself only, as I have for almost fifteen years now. It's a great feeling.
8. Prom :: Didn't go to my own prom, but as a junior took a senior (girl) to her prom. That was an odd experience.
9. Diploma :: I only have a high school diploma.
10. Bloody :: Noses.

A Little Bit of This

This full time job thing is the bomb, man! Why haven't I done this before? I got my offer letter (¡muy generoso!), and promptly returned the signed paperwork to the HR department. As it stands now, my first permanent day here will be the 1st of June. Let us start the second half of the year properly. Then maybe I could even give out the name of the company. No, on second thought...the last time I wrote my real name down on this page, I, my name, ended up in a Google search, and I was terrified that I would be discovered. I don't need this company (or any other company) to be discovered as a result of my inane blithering here. OK, I'm a closet blogger. At least I'm not a closet queer anymore. Anyway, I'm very excited. I feel like the clouds in the sky are parting, the sun is shining through, the birds are singing, no, just kidding. It feels great. And I'm meeting a lot of really hot men! And I love meeting hot men in the business world. It's the sexual tension and curiosity that makes it more fun. If it should ever come to the dirty deed, it's just unfulfilling...and messy. Flirting is definitely more fun.

So now I have to weigh my options. I am desperate to move out of my current living sitch and cut the commute. Three accidents (all in the fast lane) on 880 this morning. Two of them were surely the result of rubber-neckers at the other collisions on the road. WTF is all I have to say. I left early and got here an hour and a half later. So, I'm considering the Peninsula. I wanted to move to San Francisco, but the commute from the city down here is just as bad and just as long and the prices in the city are worse. Plus, I feel like I need to make more of a commitment to this company now.

I can't tell you how much I like it here. I'm sure I'll put out some bad days here and there as I have always done, but overall, I have such a positive vibe from this place. I am learning to trust in my vibes more and more. So now my options: Menlo Park, Palo Alto, or Mountain View. All pretty nice places, all have nice sounding names, all have decent rental rates. I just have to find the one that's best for me. And then I'll buy a bike and ride to work, get my legs back. I used to have nice legs when I was in high school. I rode my bike everywhere. All I can dream about right now are the possibilities of my own place, my own new furniture, dishes, TV, bath towels. I am going to go crazy at BB&B, I'm telling you. With towels and such. I don't think they have TiVos at BB&B. It won't be until the new year, probably, but considering that it's coming up on Memorial Day already, it should be here pretty quickly.

Did I mention that the company allows you to accrue three weeks of holiday to use as you want? To everyone. From Day One. I don't have to wait until I've been here for twelve years. That's when I asked for a pen.

On the other hand, the people here are so unrealistically nice and pleasant, not like the "Oh My Goodness"-lady from a previous situation, though. I have to remember not to be catty and insincere. I have a tendency to be as such, although that's not really my nature, regardless of what you may have heard. I have to try really hard not to talk about people if at all possible, but the insatiable nosy side of me sometimes comes bursting through, and well, I get looks from people like I'm totally off. Well, duh. Or else the audience quietly packs up and moves on without saying a word. If there's one thing I'm good at it's bringing silence to a room. It's never been easy for me to translate Michael into English before speaking. You wouldn't believe how many drafts of these silly entries I make before I finally commit to one that's as clean and syntax-error-free as possible...and one that makes sense to the average person out there. It's a chore, sometimes. Even though this "blog" was supposed to be about me for me, a way of cataloguing my excursions here and there, I have succumbed to the need to be diplomatic and righteous. Most of what I think on a day-to-day basis is neither diplomatic nor righteous, and often it isn't very politically correct, either. So rather than constantly fear censorship and hate mail, I "kick it down a notch" and keep it polite. Oh the things we do.

On that, it's 3:15 P.M., and I'm about to fall asleep at this dream job. Gotta go for a walk or something.

Sur le seuil

OK, big news. Big. Huge. No not really. I just love saying that.

I'm going to change hosts again. I've only been with...well, it's been almost a year. Wow. Anyway, I can't get any support from the host I'm on now. I have to change some billing information because they haven't billed me in a while now, and I'm really concerned that they will shut me down before they read all of the e-mails I've sent asking for help. I don't know what happened, either. They were so good, blog-oriented, MT support. And then they just disappeared. Oh well. I am running out of space anyway. I've got 200 MB on this server, and it's almost gone. What on Earth could I possibly have that takes up all of that space? Too many pictures, I suppose. I found a really good deal, and I'll prbably make this my project for next weekend. This weekend is a holiday, and I think I'll be out and about...don't quote me on that. I might even take the giant leap and upgrade to MT 3.0. I don't think I'll pay for it right away, and I won't be missing anything more than I am now. That's OK, I guess.

I found two plug-ins today that I hadn't known about before. Smarty Pants and Textile both of which are totally cool. Smarty Pants adds smart quotes and other punctuation to your text automatically. Textile gives you the ability to create HTML without using a lot of HTML code. I've become sort of a purist in the last two years, taking pride in my knowledge of the proper tags in HTML (Do you know how long it took me to remember to close the URL reference with a quotation mark before the ">"? Like forever!), so Textile is almost cheating in a way, but so far, it's way easy. So thank you.

It's almost time for a three-and-a-half day weekend!

Memorial Day

1. Lover :: I'm a lover, not a fighter
2. Ridiculous :: Darling, don't be ridiculous
3. Oscar :: The winner...it's a tie! Katharine Hepburn for Lion in the Winter and Barbra Streisand for Funny Girl
4. Tennis :: Bracelet
5. Account Balance :: Is there such thing as a negative zero?
6. Hickey :: Tacky, unseemly, unfortunate
7. License :: to Kill
8. Breathmints :: The Freshmaker
9. TexMex :: Is it real?
10. Stepmother :: Oh, don't get me started

And there you go. I thought today was Sunday, but it's Monday. I wish we always had three-day weekends.