September 28, 2003
"C" is for Cookie
And that's good enough for me.
I've been the total domestic goddess lately. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands. I just can't help it. I've got to get out of this place. I haven't been unemployed for almost five years. It's terribly distracting, unemployment. Daytime TV, job searches, siestas. So all of these other things keep me busy and keep my mind out of the doldrums. What are doldrums, anyway?
I got a great chocolate chip cookie recipe from Good Eats. There was an episode called "Three Chips for Sister Marsha." Dude is a trip. You either like him or hate him. I hated him and then I got to like him. I even got to think he was cute. Three chips are three different styles of the traditional chocolate chip cookie. There's the Thin, the Puffy, and the Chewy. I love chewy cookies, so I chose that recipe for my test. I hadn't baked in a long time, so this was an experiment. Luckily, they worked out brilliantly, and I had myself a new gig.
Today I got a little brave. I found an oatmeal cookie recipe on the bag of raisins I was snacking from, and I got straight to making them. One thing I've learned about cooking is that it's not as hard as I thought it was. Another thing I've learned about cooking is that you should always follow a recipe...unless you're Julia Child, and most of us aren't, so follow the recipe.
Even though I followed the recipe for the oatmeal cookies, to the letter, the cookies came out flat and extremely thin. They cooled off and became crispy and kinda like peanut brittle only with oatmeal and raisins and no peanuts. Oh well. Three dozen cookies or so just waiting to be eaten. I'm not worried about that. Doesn't matter what kind of cookies they are. I am a total fool for cookies and cakes.
I got a call from an agency on Friday who could send me to Sunnydale Sunnyvale to work at a huge government contractor out there. That's even farther than the Palo Alto stint I did last year and could end up being closer to 200 miles round trip per day. Good gracious. What will I do for a job?
And for what? I need to earn some cash to tide me over 'til the "boss" can pay me. His skirt sent me an e-mail explaining that they're so hard put for cash that they can't pay me until December 2003 for services rendered in August 2003. "WTF?" I say. "WTF?" That's completely unacceptable. I was expecting to live off that money for that much time. No, really. That's just wrong!
And just the fact that his skirt sent me the e-mail says something. I think I may have really hit close to home, if not bull's eye right on his house last week. Whatever. He had it coming, you know. I mean, you can't (assume to) be bigger than life and not get shit on once in a while. He wanted to be closer to me than I wanted him to be and he got hurt when I told him so. I am not going to hold hands here, people. We're all adults...and anyone who isn't I still can't help you...and you shouldn't be here anyway.
I know that my life on this planet this go around is not meant to be filled with riches and luxury. Oh fuck it, Michael. Just talk like a real person. Jesus.
I'm not here to be a rich man. I don't think I'll ever see it. And that's not a lack of confidence or drive or ambition. That's realizing that I'm here to do other things, and that fame and fortune are not what I need to learn what I need to learn. It took me 32 years to figure that out, or at least to accept it. I have fought it all my life, and now I'm done fighting. Now I have to learn how to get by.
It's late, I'm falling asleep. Gotta go. Sweet dreams.
