No More Drama!!! Please!!!

Some people just can't live without drama. I swear to god.

Last week, around Wednesday evening, I had had enough. There was enough stress on my shoulders to warrant a hissy fit temper tantrum, and rather than subjecting my innocent neighbors to my screams and pleas for release, I packed a bag and took off. I got in my car and drove to my secret spot for the night. Thursday morning, I got out my map of California and planned a road trip like I hadn't done before. I had limited funds available to me, so I couldn't go hog wild, but I needed to get away from life, the universe, and everything, and that was the best way I knew how. In retrospect, I should really have learned to meditate. A long time ago.

In the meantime, my "boss" had been pestering me to make up my mind about how much support I was willing to give him for free. As I've reported here ad nauseum, the company I work for can't pay me, but they want my support, blah blah blah. I found myself at a crossroads, trying to figure out what I'm doing and where I'm going with my life. At the risk of sounding melodramatic myself, this is not a decision I could make on the spur of the moment or even within 24 hours. I had a lot invested in this company. I had high hopes for my future there. I wasn't so quick to throw them all away. So this person's "need" for a reply was so...I don't know another word for it...needy, that it pissed me off.

Add to that a few other things that I don't want to get into now, and there you've got a mini-breakdown.

Thursday, Roommate called and called and threatened calling my mother and such like that, so I sent him a text message telling him that I was alive, safe, and out for the weekend, sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot. I really threw all of it out. I was not having any of it.

So. On Friday, I went to see Underworld. I don't know who Kate Beckinsale is, but she's pretty, and she looks good in the leather cat suit. The whole myth of vampires is so fluid. I mean, every new story I read or hear about vampires has a new twist or added features to what I've read before. They all have constants, mind you: sunlight will kill them, they need to drink human blood, they're immortal, stuff like that. But it's the creation of the vampire race, the limits (or unlimitedness) of their powers, and what vampires are vulnerable to that make each tale unique. It's kind of unnerving because I feel that once I've got one myth down, I've got to learn another and keep them separate from each other. Too much work for fiction sometimes, you know?

I also bought a new pair of shoes. Even though my funds were limited, I was spending money like I had a job or something. But I did need the shoes, and they were on sale and everything, so I couldn't resist. Plus it helped keep the animal at bay, so to speak.

The rest of the weekend was hot and peaceful. My mobile phone's battery was just about out, and I didn't bring my charger with me, so I forwarded my calls to my home number. I don't know exactly why I did this because any messages would be saved in voice mail until I had a chance to answer them later. I think it was another way of escaping my present situation and not taking responsibility for it.

By the way, that's a theme I've heard a lot lately. I was watching Oprah's interview with Madonna last week, and Madonna said that when she was learning the Kabbalah one of the most important lessons that she learned was taking responsibility for all of your actions, good and bad.

OK, I believed it when she said it on Oprah, but then I heard it in several different interviews and radio stories with different people over the weekend. It's like someone was trying to tell me something even though I already knew it and accepted it. Reinforcement? There are no coincidences? (Another common current theme.)

So back to the phone. Because the calls were forwarded home, Roommate had a chance to hear all of them. On Sunday, "boss" called and left twelve (12) messages on the machine. They were all, "Michael, please call me, you know the numbers." The time stamps were "Sunday, 11:03 am." "Sunday, 11:05 am." "Sunday, 11:37 am," until finally he called and said that he had discussed this sitch with his fellow co-founders, and they threatened to go to the police to file a missing persons report. Hello? Come again?

I'm not allowed to go off on my own (admittedly running away and playing hooky from life) without telling anyone? The last time I checked, I was an adult, native-born American citizen. Why, all of a sudden, did I need special permission (from a committee) to take time off and get away? And not only that (which I admit is short-sighted and self-indulgent, but sue me, OK?), "boss" and I had been apart for longer than three days and neither one of us felt the need to file a missing persons report. So, as far as I am concerned, dude has ulterior motives here.

So, Roommate heard the message about the missing persons report (every time I type that it seems more and more ridiculous) and decided to call "boss" on one of the various numbers he had left in the messages. "Boss" and the posse were at one of Oakland's police stations in the process of filing the report when Roommate called. "Boss" didn't even talk to him, and instead passed the phone on to the officer they were talking to. What the fuck is that about? "Boss" wouldn't even talk to him. Roommate told the officer about the text message I sent him on Thursday, and the officer said that I should call him when I got back into town to clear everything up. This is getting way out of hand.

When I got home this morning at about 9:30 am, I heard all twelve (12) messages, went starking raving mad (almost as much as when I left on Wednesday night), and stormed off to the shower. Who the hell does this person think he is involving himself in my life like this. What did he think he was doing? And what did he think he would get out of it?

The more I think on this, the more angry I get at this man, who isn't paying me anymore, who totally just interfered in my life and basically harassed me over the phone and with the cops. And don't give me any crap about how much he cares and shit, because I know he doesn't care that much. He's worried about something bigger. He put his sister on the phone in an attempt to get me to call back because I always do when she calls and he knows that. He knows that I'd call her before I'd call him. I haven't talked to her in almost six months, and since neither of us had called each other, I know she was only calling because he asked her to. Plus, I think the reason he went to the limits of the police report was to coerce me into calling him up...pushing the limits of the drama to see how far I would go...calling my bluff. Well, he called, I didn't answer, and now he looks like a lunatic. There has got to be something important at work for which he needs me, otherwise I can't think of any good reason for this kind of behavior.

Now I have to call the police to tell them that the report about my missingness is just a false alarm. Then I have to totally calm myself down and breathe, a lot, and find the strength to call the "boss" and not strangle him through the phone. What a joke.

After all that mess, I didn't have any epiphanies or revelations from on high, but my situation did become a lot more clear to me. I have a good idea of where I'm headed and what I'm willing to give up. I realize that I'm still young and have a lot of life ahead of me. I can make choices now and still have time to correct them if they turn out to have an "undesirable" effect. If the human race continues to extend its life expectancy, I should have more than enough time to make up for it. As a result, I don't have time for games like this, and I certainly don't have time to wait for the man with the money to come in here and pay me.

I know it's long, but I wanted this all down for posterity.

I was silly enough to write this at 1:00 PM