July 9, 2003
What if we were all just a little nicer to each other?
- What if you had to write a magazine column on How To Lose A Guy/Girl In 10 Days—what would you write? Well, first of all, I'd have to ask my editor why on earth I would want to lose a guy after we had met, unless he was a total jerk or something, and then it would only take a two-minute conversation. "Click, dial tone, good-bye." If it doesn't work out between the two of you, make it end quickly. Ten days, yeah right. If you click with someone, and there's a mutual interest to pursue a relationship, you're sick and twisted to try to get rid of them. Again, maybe I'm missing the point.
- What if you were offered the choice to risk your life by boarding a pirate ship in hopes of finding and obtaining part of the treasure?
Ahoy, maties! - What if you could pass a congressional bill of your choice?
Oh it would probably have something to do with freedom, liberty, equality, justice for all, and all the other stuff that this country was founded and based on and then was forgotten over the last few generations. You know, the basic stuff. - What if you discovered you were really a machine?
Eh. The sun still rises. The earth turns. Bees be and fish fish. That certainly would not explain the need to watch my weight, though. - What if you were bequeathed with all of God's powers?
Let's see: no disease, no poverty, no famine, no drought, no guns, no pollution, no greed.I know greed is a human emotion, but I'm so sick of it. What is it good for? Oh, I see, you don't have enough money to buy your fucking drugs so you go and shoot a man dead, steal his wallet, then shoot his pregnant wife, too? For the hell of it? 'Cause she called the cops on your punk ass? Mother fucker. This shit pisses me off.
Oh, and no more temperatures over 75° F in the Bay Area. Ever.
That's what.
