June 9, 2003
My Blog
I don't know what I was trying to accomplish when I set up this blog. I have been keeping a journal of all sorts since I was like ten. I remember hearing a story about a woman who had kept a diary every day of her life. She had a small library of her diaries, one book for each year since she started writing. She must have had over fifty little bound books of her life's story. They were nice, well-constructed books, too, unlike what is mass produced nowadays. Something in that story inspired me to do the same thing. I thought it was cool (and still think it is) to have a documented account of an entire life. No need for a biographer there.
Twenty-one years later, I hardly have a library of journals. In fact, I hardly have any diaries at all. I haven't figured out whether I prefer to write by hand or type into a computer the events of my days. Sometimes I even speak them into a hand-held tape recorder. Whatever the format, I feel that I need to keep track of these things. I have a lot of stuff going through my head, just like everyone else, and sometimes it really does work to have it all written down. I have spiral bound notebooks that have notes to self and stories and encounters scattered in between other stuff. I have computer files with thoughts or ideas that I've had along the way. On my first trip to England, I even brought a hard cover notebook in which I could detail the impressions of my journey. I'm so dedicated that I only have a few pages with any content, and another page that says "More to Come." I'm setting myself up for something.
One thing's for sure, I'm not doing this for popularity or recognition. I've seen blogs whose blog reference lists are pages long and whose links are reconciled on others' pages. That has never been my goal here. It's cool when it happens, though, I'll say that. I would like to meet people and make friends through this little hobby, but if I don't, I know it won't kill me. And I'm grateful for the people I have made contact with. One of the coolest things about the Internet is how it makes the world such a small place.
So where am I going with this? I was catching up on some reading over the weekend, and I felt a little left out, I guess. I have started to feel like the world of blogging is just another popularity contest in which I'm not entered. And when I accepted that rather short-sided, fucked up possibility, I realized that if that's really why I'm blogging, I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons. (I know there's more to it than that.) It's a boost to my ego to know how many people have come by and read what I've written, whether they find my site on Google looking for gay sailors or left-handed INFJs, or through any other link. But I can't let it depress me or become an obsession. "I must have more visitors!" I've said it before, and I'll say it again (as it appears), I'm doing this for me, and anyone who wants to peek is more than welcome.
Yeah, cheers, thanks a lot.
