April 9, 2003
Another
I'm learning another of life's little lessons, slowly but surely. I haven't been paid for March yet, and I don't know when it will come. I'm boiling with rage, not because of the delay in my pay (although that has a lot to do with it), but because this company is not run very well. It's like a game to everyone. And it turns out that I am the only one who hasn't been paid.
And then they tell me that I shouldn't be so angry about it. 
And then, I am reminded that there is more to life than work. In other parts of the world, people go to work, and after that they go home and live their life. I haven't done a very good job of that in the last few years. I spend way too much time here, and I take it all way too seriously. It's a tricky business, software development, but it's not the end of the world. You can't know how it felt to admit to myself that I had tomatoes and feta and red wine waiting for me at home, like the clouds parted and the angels said to me, "You're free." Of course, I have to come back tomorrow and face another payless day, but I know that it will come eventually. I hate this. I'm trying to talk myself into being OK with this. At the same time, I'm looking for a way to get the red fuck out of California and to a place where I will be able to afford to buy a home for myself one day. Anyone know a good place? Just kidding. I can't go into too much detail because I'm still formulating. Can't you hear the wheels churning? But as this is my excuse for a diary, I'll be back to fill in the details as they happen.
