Travel

Well, it has been decided. I'm going to Seattle for an overnighter and then a presentation at a potential client. I didn't want to go at all because I think I'm just not the presenter type, but bossman insisted. So, in my search for a decent airfare, I came across this gem: I can book a one-way flight from San Francisco to Seattle on ATA (whatever that is) for $161. That's the lowest fare that Expedia could find for me. The catch is that they fly through Chicago!!!! From San Francisco to Chicago to Seattle. Eleven hours of travel time. Is that the most fucked-up itinerary? That's like flying from San Francisco to Australia via Istanbul. Why on Earth would anyone take that flight? To save a few bucks? Whatever. Clip some damn coupons already.

It's amazing to me the power of a good cry. I was on edge and a complete raggy bitch all day yesterday. No one was safe from my moodswings. I am coming to my wit's end; I can see it rising in the distance, coming to bite my ass. I have no patience for anyone or anything anymore. I simply don't understand why it is so hard for people to do things for themselves. "Oh can you do this for me?" "Oh, can you help me read the newspaper?" "Oh, can you wipe my ass for me?" For instance, regarding the travel plans mentioned in the previous paragraph, I needed specific dates for the plane ticket. That's pretty understandable, right? I'm not asking for clairvoyance, just a calendar. I asked a coworker in the office to give me the phone number of the hotel in Italy where our boss is staying for a week (on business, or so he says). It was noon-ish PST, so about nine-ish in bella Roma. "It's too late there to call now." What? After a few minutes of argument, I lost it and yelled "just give me the damn number already." I don't typically lose my temper at the office. It's just bad form.

And then I get this way fucked up e-mail from my sister who says that she's preggers again from her deadbeat fuckup husband. Oh but it's OK. They're getting divorced soon. Oh, right, how Jerry Springer of you. I'm so embarrassed, but I'm supposed to be happy that there's a new life on its way into our family. As I type this I'm seriously considering editing this paragraph before I post it just to give the WWW the illusion that I have a white-picket-fence family, just like everyone else, right? Fuck. And to add to that, my grandmother and aunt are leaving their house—with a pool—in Nevada to move to my hometown in Iowa. My father wants them to be closer to him. That's all well and good, and now I'm in the midst of planning a trip to see them before they move so far away, which means my trip to LA to visit Ken in his faboo new digs has to be rescheduled. I know it sounds like I'm kvetching about a visit to my grandmother, but it's the reason I'm visiting that pisses me off the most. My grandmothers are not so young and spry anymore. I'm very afraid that they won't be here much longer. That's what's fucked up.

Death is life. Life is death. You can't have one without the other, young grasshopper. Dip me in chocolate and bite my ass. I share a birthday with my paternal grandmother. I haven't seen her in...that part I will keep private. I know it will happen. It's going to hurt like a motherfucker when it does. And I am so dreading the phone call from my mother to announce that her mother has joined her father in eternal bliss. (That was so cheesy. Sorry.) When I was a kid, like eight or nine, I knew that my grandparents would die someday. But 23 years later, that same knowledge, well, it brought me to my knees in tears last night. I was almost about to scream out in emotional pain. I guess that further illustrates just how deep in denial of my own life I've been. I'm so glad that J was there. He gave me the comfort and support that I really needed last night. And after shedding tears by the bucket, I feel more calm today. I don't like the idea of losing my grandmothers any more now than I did last night, but I can get past the illogic of it a little better now.

Don't worry, I'll say it for you: "Damn, honey, you got issues."

I guess that's all for now.