August 23, 2002
TGIF
Well this morning didn't start off very well. Or should I say yesterday didn't end well? I told R last night that I was not going to the gym this morning and that I would be meeting H this evening at the Embarcadero Y instead. He asked why and suggested that that was a silly idea. No real surprise there. Anytime H usurps R's importance or place in line in my life, he gets jealous, like a new lover dealing with a past flame. And that idea is truly revolting. Ick. So I tell him that I like my gym better than his, and he continues to take it all personally. Whatever.
So this morning, he wakes me up at 6:30 a.m. and tells me to get ready for the gym. I roll over and go back to sleep. At 7:00 a.m. he comes back and with a severe amount of incredulity in his voice he says, "Michael, get up. It's time to go to the gym." My simple sleep-ridden reply was: "I told you that I'm going tonight. Sheesh." So he huffs and puffs his way out the door.
I had a really long rant session with H last night, and I won't recount the thing here, but I'll just say that it was nice. It's odd how our relationship is so malleable. It transforms itself into whatever we need it to be whenever we need it to change. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I know he's dependable. I know I can count on him, and he should know the same for me. And he listens to me and gives good advice. I was telling him about all this R stuff and how I'm fed up with him, and he tells me simply: "Don't deal with it. You've learned when to tune me out, so do the same for him." Hmmm, good advice. And it's true, too. I guess that I have had more practice with H, over nine years, to pick and choose what about him I take seriously. Why I can't do that with R has me stumped. I've only known him for about three years. But I wonder if the length of time really matters here.
Nevertheless, he thinks it would be rash of me to quit my job just because I can't take the arrogance any longer. I'm making serious cash here, almost six figures, no questions asked, and I'm going to dump it for twelve dollars an hour because I can't take the arrogance and ego anymore? Michael, Michael, Michael. Grow up and get real. I guess I don't need to deal with it. And just thinking about it that way gives me great freedom and release. I'm not kidding. Instantly, I feel like there's a burden off my mind. You know, that could work. We should all tell the world not to deal with it. Half the shit that goes on around here would stop. Don't like someone's religious beliefs? Don't deal with it. Don't like someone's sexuality? Don't deal with it. Don't like someone's face? Don't deal with it. It's a more abrupt adaptation of "live and let live." It works for me.
By the way, like my little weather pixie? Isn't she precious?
