Not much going on today.

Lots of people worried about the supposed threat to the Bay Area's main bridges. They haven't targeted the San Mateo bridge, but then again, the San Mateo is always closed because of some freak who managed to flip their SUV or even their Saturn. How the hell do you flip a Saturn on a two-lane bridge? I don't get it. Whatever.

I'm not that concerned about it. I drive over the Bay Bridge every day. Twice a day. I have to get to work, unless I take BART, which I might as well start doing again. Plus, I need an oil change and daddy just doesn't have the money for that. The lifters are clicking louder and louder, and all I can think of is Janey and her story of how her friend's engine seized up and cracked because it didn't have any oil in it. That makes me really paranoid. Every time I smell something or hear a new noise, I wonder how much it's going to cost this time. And the cute guys at Cowden Automotive don't cut me a deal, no matter how tight my pants are. I always drive out of there paying close to a grand...for car repairs. Hmmm. But Paul has the prettiest blue eyes, and when he's explaining to me what the timing belt does, I just stare at his blue eyes, listening intently, but ignoring everything he says. Sorry, Paul. Don't mean to be rude. But I digress....

Imagine how many people see the Golden Gate as one of America's defining landmarks. Just like the World Trade Center. Granted, not as many lives would be lost if they knock out the bridge, but I'm willing to bet how many angry people there would be after that, too.

It's so beautiful to look at. When I actually lived in the City, I liked to go out to Land's End to sit and stare at the bridge...among other things. :) I loved to sit and watch boats sail under the span. The hills are so pretty with their natural greens and browns, and then add the gateway to the Pacific Ocean with its blues and the international safety orange of the bridge itself and you've got a gorgeous palette of color. OK, so that was cheesy, but I just love it. Sometimes I can see the Golden Gate from the Bay Bridge as I drive to work in the morning. If it's not foggy, you can see Alcatraz, Angel Island, Sausalito, and the Golden Gate. It's remarkable. It's one of those things that reminds me of where I live and how glad I am to live here. Even watching the opening credits to Charmed, I can see parts of the City and be happy. "I live there," I say as my face beams with pride. In fact, when we were returning from London, the flight which was originally diverted to Canada on September 11th, and sent back to London because of September 11th (long story), the pilot flew us directly over the Golden Gate Bridge as he made the approach to SFO. It almost brought a tear to my eye. I love San Francisco.

But wasn't there a late episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine in which the Breen attacked Starfleet headquarters, which are in the Marin Headlands? And didn't they take out the bridge during that attack? So that was all CGI, and though I didn't see that particular episode, it was horrifying that someone in Hollywood could be so bold. But then again, they blew up the White House in Independence Day, among other things, and Congress in Mars Attacks, which was hilarious. OK, so that's what fiction is about. Blah blah blah.

I'm leaving, after all, for Vegas on Tuesday. While I was chez R&W this past weekend, they chastized me enough to realize that a free trip was a free trip no matter what it cost Bam!Bastic Tours to organize it. They insisted that it barely repays me for all the time that I spend watching Buddy and Rosie. I insist that it's too extravagant and that I do it out of the goodness of my heart because I can't stand to see them boarded in a kennel somewhere. After all, their first plan was to stay in the Presidential Suite at the Bellagio, which rents for about a dollar a square foot per night (that's $2000 for 2000 square feet with two master bedrooms and three bathrooms, which I have to remind myself, is about three times as large as my hovel in Oakland, which I don't need to remind myself is very sad). But then they scaled down their plans a little and moved across the street to the Venetian. They're getting a suite for the three of us, while their friends get another suite. They really were incredulous that I could be uncomfortable with a such a deal. That's a lot of money to spend on me, and frankly, I don't like that. If you want to repay me, buy me Funny Girl on DVD because daddy just doesn't have the money for that, either. :| Natalie Merchant has a new CD coming out soon, and I still haven't picked up Suzanne's new one. I'm po. I make over $50,000 a year, and I'm always fucking broke, but that's a tangent I just don't want to deal with today.

Anyway, so they got angry that I would be so humble, and they insisted that I pack my "fucking bags" and get on a plane with them on Tuesday. I am looking forward to it, though. I haven't had a vacation in months, and it will be nice to get out of here for a while. They're too nice to me, and I hate it sometimes. Why don't I feel worthy? Oh, right, it's that self-esteem issue that I've had since, oh I don't know, I was 12?

Même si tu savais d'avance

Même si tu savais d'avance
Que l'amour est faïence
Et que les contes de fées
Ne sont que des contes de fées
Tu as voulu y croire
Aveugle de l'histoire
Et tu restes au fond de toi
Où personne ne va
Et tu restes au fond de toi
Où personne ne va
Et tu laisses aller tes pleurs
Pour adoucir tes peurs
De quelques pleurs

I have had these words in my head all weekend. J'adore Isabelle.

I'm sitting at my beloved little iMac after so many days of being without. I haven't been able to spend a day at home in weeks. Work and R&W and this week I'll be gone all week. I am trying really hard to make a new header for this page because that text thing is just wrong. It hurts my eyes with the red background, and I'm trying to do something more artistic. We'll see if that happens.

Other than that, I'm hungry and bored. Made a Bette Midler CD today: "The Best of Boobs." I don't know exactly why, but J calls her Boobs Midler. Maybe cause she loves to shake them all about? I must be really bored right now, too. Sorry for that. I'll go now.

Well, what a boring day.

Well, what a boring day. I'm leaving tomorrow for a nice trip to Vegas. I haven't been there in about a year. I always like to go there and spend just a few days. More than four and it's too many. I have been there so many times, it seems like it should be old hat by now, but everytime I go, I find something new or different than before. Last time I was there with J, we stayed at the Mandalay Bay. Nice place, great spa. It was February, so I couldn't check out their wave pool or even the hot tubs. It was a little rainy, but it was nice. This year, I'm going with R&W, as I might have mentioned before, and we're staying at the Venetian. They're treating me for the time I've spent with Buddy and Rose. I still feel very uncomfortable going, but I know we'll have a good time. It's only four days, Tuesday through Friday, but I am going to miss J. X not a bit. I have got to get out of there.

The submission went out on time last week, thanks to our hard work and dedication. And once again, I'm sure I've said this before, it's a let down. All pumped up and ready to go, and then it goes, and now I'm just sitting around. Another valley before me. Whatever. I'm trying to be clever today, but I guess I'm too bored to be clever.

I'm not too sure I like that picture up there. I'll have to work on it some more.

That's all.

A Long Time

Well, it certainly has been a long time since I've added anything here. Much longer than I intended for sure. I got back from my mini-vacation last Friday night, and though the Bitch Goddess which is Las Vegas had nearly ripped my soul out with her skanky claws, I survived and took the weekend to recover. So then what's with this Thursday thing? I swear, that matabang kalabaw can't do anything right. I was gone for four days and she managed to fuck just about everything up. If my morale hadn't already hit an all-time low, it would have when I came back on Monday. I just don't even want to waste the time or the code to describe how much this whole company pisses me right off. I want to be rid of it. Please, oh please, dear sweet stars above, give me a sign that this will be over soon!!

And on top of that, it's holiday season again. Like that should surprise me. November comes every year, right? And so does Turkey Day and Xmas and then a brand new year. I hate the holidays. I went to Safeway last night, and there above the entrance were two giant wreathes strewn with ornaments and lights. They've even filled up the Coke machines with their winter cans with snowmen and Santa on them. Yes, call me Scrooge, if you must. I don't even flinch anymore. It's true. I am. I don't like the hubbub. I don't like the last minute rushes and sales, and most of all, I can stand the forced air of holiday cheer. You people aren't nice to me the other 330 days of the year, why must you be for the last 35 of the year? Hmmm? Just get over it, you say. OK. Make it stop and I will.

Winter is my favorite holiday, however. I love the cold weather (as cold as it gets in Northern California; yesterday was hot and sunny). Maybe it's because I love winter clothes. I love coats and sweaters and long underwear. I miss the snow. I miss walking outside when it snows. It's so quiet and peaceful. I miss the changing of the leaves. I miss the smell of burning fireplaces. And I do love turning the clocks back. It's a shock at first to see it dark at 5 PM, but I love that, too.

It's hard to remember what time of year it is when it's always warm and sunny out. Yes, it's also the beginning of the rainy season here, but it just doesn't feel like November. I'll never forget my first Thanksgiving in California. I was sharing a really great apartment in Monterey with two other friends. They got up early to do the cooking. I just slept in. I woke up to the warmth of the November morning sun pouring into my room. I walked out into the kitchen to smell the turkey roasting. I wore shorts and a t-shirt that day. I went for a walk outside in the shorts and t-shirt, and it was all a little odd. I grew up in the midwest where right now it's about cold outside, and some years it even snowed on Turkey Day. Not in California, unless your up at Tahoe or something. Anyway.

That's all. I'll write more later when more fun hits the fan.

The Return of X

X returned last night after a somewhat long absence. Neither of us had heard from him in a while. But he was back all right. As soon as I walked in the door last night, I could hear him and J arguing heatedly about something insignificant, as is his way when he comes back. We had words, as I predicted. No one is safe when he is around. He called me a dumb Polack, a fat ass, and a tramp, which I laughed at because it just so happens that BART was a success last night. First time in like, forever. Anyway, I was so amused at my recent excursion to which he unknowingly made reference, I told him to shut up and called him a panty waste. You know, I'm not even sure what a panty waste is. But considering that he was a straight man before he was a gay man, and as such he has been with women, whereas I have never slept with a woman in my life (TMI) and know relatively nothing about the female body other than what is obvious, he would know more about that than I would. I laughed again to add fuel to the fire. Even J, with whom I've had my severe differences, enjoyed that one. "Ha, he called you a panty waste." It was all very juvenile, but it tends to be juvenile when X goes on the warpath. He stormed out and came back very late.

I'm probably headed over to the dogs again this weekend. It's a haven. R&W are leaving to visit family over Turkey Day, and I'm watching Buddy and Rosie again. I so love them. They never call me a dumb Polack, and they certainly don't judge me because I am a tramp.

Lara Croft has seduced me again. I have been trying to get through Tomb Raider I for the longest time. I mean, the game is like five years old. And I still have yet to finish it. I love it, and I can't wait to play the other three games that follow. I was telling J last night that it is the one good way to unwind after work. I know it's not exactly an active sport where I can go an lose weight, but it is a way for me to take out all of my aggressions without actually killing someone. So I play my computer games. Oni was a blast. She gives you much more control over how you take out the enemy and how bad you hurt them. I loved that. It was too short, though. So I watch my witches, ogle at the new Enterprise and its chief engineer, make Lara do swan dives and kill lots of monsters, and let all the cares of the day float away. At least I'm not drinking my troubles away.

That's all.

Buh-bye

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I finally did it. I gave my resignation to the bitch and I'm outta here!! I'm free!! I'm liberated. I've got my future back under my own control again!! I don't have to deal with her anymore. My last day here is the 30th, and after that, who knows what's going to happen!! I'm so excited. Six sweet days...unless they decide to get rid of me sooner than that! Oh goodness, could I be any more lucky?

Five

Five more days, five more days, see how they run, see how they run.... I love this. For five months I have been trying to maintain a professional, business-as-usual attitude. Now I simply don't give a shit. Hahahahahahahahaha.

I wish I could write more than this considering that I've been gone for at least five days. Five seems to be a magic number today. But I've got a splitting headache, and I am still at work here. I got my call from HR about an exit interview on Friday. So actually, it's about three days. Today doesn't count because I just got in at a quarter to eleven. And Friday probably won't count because it's only going to be a half day. Hahahahahahahaha. I love this. I have quit jobs before, but never have I felt so rewarded than by quitting this one.

Had a good holiday. Spent the weekend with Buddy and Rosie. Ate too much. Loved the rain. Slept in. Watched movies and silly infomercials. I love them...infomercials that is. And QVC. I never order the stuff, but I love to see what other people are buying. It's hilariously entertaining. If I had more money I might buy some of that stuff. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

That's all. Maybe later.

Four

Four more days, although I wonder if Friday really counts. I'll have my exit interview and then I'll be able to leave. Matabang kalabaw has planned a lunch for me and JA, who is leaving the same day. I'm not inclined to break bread with her, considering how I really feel about her. It's kinda gross when I think about it. Ick. But it's a free meal, and it's all about ME (US). I don't know, would it be rude to not show up? Would it be more dignified if I just showed up, ate, drank, and left afterwards? What would Emily do? Hmmm.

WTF?

I don't know what happened here, but I'll fix it soon enough. Sorry for the eyesore. :(

Almost There

I am leaving early today. I have *ahem* doctors appointments and such like that.

I tried to fix the template last night, but this is what it ended up looking like. I need a new design. I love all of this color, but I'm afraid it's a bit complicated for my small grasp of writing HTML code. We'll see. I think I'll have a lot of free time on my hands soon enough, and I'm sure I can put it all to good use. Can't wait, can't wait.

That's all.

Breathe

I'm so excited to be leaving, my energy level is up higher than it has been in a long time. Today is my last full day here, and I've got a lot of loose strings to tie up. I have this cursed work ethic that just won't let me leave this job in a state of disarray. It's unfortunate, however, that no matter how much I cleaned it up, matabang kalabaw would fuck it up. I can't believe her. If you gave her a color-by-numbers to complete, she would still find a way to mess it up.

There was a PMC (Project Management Committee) meeting yesterday in which many people were completely disgusted with the Veep and how he's been handling his department. They specifically included the publishing group, and named me personally. They said that it was a shame to let me go so easily without any sort of explanation. They asked the Veep if I had given him a reason, and he said no. Hahahahahahahahaha. They asked him why he hadn't asked for a reason, and he had no answer. Hahahahahahahahaha. I realize this is mostly juvenile, and revenge is not always healthy, but it's nice. Turns out that neither the Veep nor the matabang kalabaw are destined for any sort of long term stay here. Can we say 30 days? Hahahahahahaha.

I will miss working with the people from the UK, however. BA is here right now, and she's always a lot of fun. DH wrote me and said pretty much the same thing, that it's a shame, and how will we get on with you gone? And oh, please, people, I know I'm good, but come on. No one is irreplaceable. It's just going to be a bit bumpy for a while.

Had an extraordinary afternoon yesterday. I went to lunch with dear friend Ken. We sat and talked for hours. I wish we had more time together. He is a healing force in my life and such a good friend. I am so lucky that he gave me the chance to prove that I wasn't a snobby bitch. (Long story.) I'm not really. I may appear to be aloof, but in reality, once the ice is broken, I do think I'm a pretty nice guy. Just don't cross me. :)

That's all for now. I'm sure today is going to be exhilarating.

The End, Good-Bye

Wow. Last day. I've been here for two years and four months and ten days, give or take. I've had a lot of fun here. The people I work(ed) with here are some of the best I've ever met. They were always fun, even in submission mode, even working 12-hour days and weekends. They are all smart and intelligent. They are funny. I will miss them all. Who knows, we may all work together again someday. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from DP, who used to work with matabang kalabaw at Genentech. She called to wish me luck and to express her own regrets for my departure, but she understands. But the main reason she called was to suggest that I put one more nail in matabang kalabaw's coffin. She asked me to send a full copy of my resignation letter to the Pres. of R&D. He has had a mess of time with the Veep and his incompetence. He doesn't really know the whole story of matabang kalabaw because no one has really given it to him. So DP thought it would be a good idea to give it to him in my words. Of course, my story is only mine, in my words, and it is far from the whole story. Still, she thought it would do him good to hear it from the worker bee who dealt with matabang kalabaw on a first-person basis. So I did. I won't be around to see the result of this action, if there is any at all, but it was fun. As soon as she suggested that, I jumped up and said, yes, of course I will, and thank you for the suggestion.

That's all. Some funky lunch today and then I can leave and never look back, unless of course I see the building in flames one day and then I would go and roast marshmellows or something. But honestly, I'm not bitter. In fact, I'm liberated. Change is good. I've been here long enough. I was on my way out in May anyway. It's not like this was the career choice of my dreams either. All good things must come to an end...or something.

I'm really excited about the future. I'm quitting a job that gives me, unquestioningly, a regular paycheck, benefits, vacation time, and a 401(k) (and have I mentioned business trips to London??) for an uncertain prospect that, in all likelihood will become a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow, but could just as easily not work. I don't think that will happen however. I know the people, and they're solid workaholics, and they want this more than I do. It's all a little overwhelming but exciting and fantastic. I can't wait.

Now I have to fix this template. I just don't know what happened here. I must apologize.